Letting Go and Holding On

The Monday Minute
Quilts ~ Inspiration ~ Lifestyle ~ with Nancy Kirk

February 4, 2008

LETTING GO AND HOLDING ON I sure like working with smart people. Not only are they interesting to talk with, but inevitably, I learn something. And I have to admit, I love learning new things. Sometimes I learn new things about the world. Sometimes I learn about how people live, and often, I learn something about myself. The last few days were full of learning. I was doing quilt appraisals at the Stuhr Museum. I always learn things from the antique quilts I appraise - made by smart women who lived long ago. In addition to a good contemporary quilt show, the museum did a special exhibit of antique quilts from their collection and each one had a special surprise - in the fabrics, construction, design or history. But I always learn more from the people, the staff at the museum, the vendors, the customers - even fellow travelers staying at the same motel. I love talking with people about their passions. I learned about customer service. I learned about ethanol and the price of corn and how farm land prices are going through the roof because of the high corn prices, at the same time that houses in town are dropping in value. I learned there is a new class of migrant workers -- engineers and millwrights and other professionals -- who move from city to city building power plants and new ethanol processing plants. (One woman said, "I still say it's just a great big still.") I had dinner with a friend who is a quilter, designer, historian, pianist, composer, country singer, house renovator and antique dealer and wonders why she doesn't have time to get everything done - it was like looking in a mirror, except for the music part. I gave her some great advice - now if I can just take the same advice myself! Then today, I met with my executive coach, a very smart man named Dan Weber. He has been helping me with the process of redefining my business to support my life so I don't have to redefine my life to support my business. One of the sticking points has been what to do with left over inventory and some of the activities of The Kirk Collection that were based on what Bill, my late husband, used to do. While I've tried to focus on my strengths of writing, teaching and speaking, there is still all this "stuff" in my life - hundreds of books, an archive of over 10,000 pieces of vintage fabric, and shelves full of "miscellaneous" things. It's a weight I keep dragging along, and the weight of it seems to keep me from moving forward on things I really want to do. Dan suggested that there is a four-part sequence I need to follow - letting go, holding on, taking on and moving on. The first - letting go - seems the hardest. It means letting go of stuff, letting go of ideas that once were important, letting go of activities that don't hold meaning any more, and for me, letting go of parts of the business Bill used to do or that he felt were important. And of course, in a way, it feels like having to let go of Bill - or his memory. But then, Dan said, I need to decide what to hold on to. These will mainly be values, principles, relationships and memories. So I can keep the values of honoring quilts and quilt makers, the principles of customer service and satisfaction, the friendships developed from work and outside of work and the memories of building the business with Bill. What many people don't know, is that Bill started the Kirk Collection when we adopted Ben, and I only joined the business full-time three years later. Dan said once I get the lists made of what I'm letting go and what I'm holding on to, I can make a judgment about what I can take on. But until I clear some room in my mind, my creativity and my schedule, there is no room for anything new. That could be why it's been so frustrating trying to make a new long-range plan, because nothing else can squeeze into my life right now until I make a place by clearing something else out. He promised that once I get through steps one through three, I will be able to get to number four - moving on. I'm not quite there yet, but I'll get there. And there will be a lot less stuff in my house when I do. There will be fewer items on my calendar when I do. There will be more time for friends, and good books, and my kids, and dancing. There will be more time for prayer and volunteering. There will be more time to be healthy. There might be time to play bridge again. There might even be time for a vacation some time. But only if it is somewhere with room service! Dan said there needs to be a big payoff to make it worth letting go of things. I'm finding it's kind of fun to make a list of rewards for doing such hard work. Your list may be different from mine, but I encourage you to make a list of the things you'd like to have in your life that you don't have now - experiences, relationships, activities - and then think about what you can let go to make room for them. I'm not saying it's going to be easy - only that it will be worth it. This is Nancy Kirk with your Monday Minute. NOTE:  To reach Dan Weber, go to Peak Pathways (www.peakpathways.com)

www.kirkcollection.com